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It's been a while because I've been busy elsewhere - Basil Sexbone

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August 30th, 2006


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04:31 pm - It's been a while because I've been busy elsewhere
Which pretty much sums it up. I've been knocking out drafts for Brendan under the terms of our new deal. Now, he's actually seen none of these drafts due to a high-laarious set of circumstances far to dull to bother with, but these drafts, however shoddy, exist. I should backtrack on that last sentence a bit. I've been writing an AAR for the last two weeks and stuff for my upcoming Con X game, I haven't done any real short story work in that time, but it IS writing and that was the point.

The AAR is turning out to be a lot of fun. The game is Civilisation 4 with the Fall from Heaven 2 mod. I'n writing it partially as a semi-serious piece with strategic details, important events and such, but also partially (and more so as it progresses) a chance to make up some crazy shit.

Some samples:

>>>Year 236.

The Lunun (who you may recall HATING ME) call up and ask for the secret of modern Warfare in exchange for 1100 gold. They are clearly desperate, and in need of my help. I show their diplomat the door. Then I personally nail him to the door and have servants set him on fire. Finally, I send him, and the door to which he's nailed, back home on the horse he initially rode in on, which I also have set on fire.

In terms of conquest, there are three viable Khazad cities. A small pop 4 called Wercer to the SW of Coombe View and to the NW of Kadar. It doesn't have too much to reccomend it

To the direct east of Kadar there is a pop 7 called Halowell which is a reesonable spot and to the east of Halowell there is a pop 6 called Riylod, which in terms of locale is very attractive to me, it is also being besieged by the Malakites and to take it would to jam up my border with theirs. Up untill now there's been a bit of no man's land that I've had little interest in filling.

There are (I believe) more Khazad cities to the south of Kadar but they will be afflicted with tundras and such and to take them now is more than my realm's economy could handle.

My plan is to send a force west to Wercer, it's the easiest kill of the three and should provide valuable experience for my Drown, all the while building up in Kadar. After Wercer falls and is assimilated, I'll head East and capture Halowell. Then I'll sue for peace with the Khazad and eco boom.

I've also dropped my research below 100% for the first time this game; down to 90% to decrease my deficit from, 20 gold a turn to 9 a turn. I have 338 in the bank and I want a little surplus for rainy days.

Year 285.

The Grigori will teach me how to ride horses instead of *riding* horses in exchange for 180 gold and the secrets of my gods. Done deal.

The Khazad (who you may remember disagreeing with me over some real estate a short while ago) want the secret of Masonry and will pay me 410 gold for it. I am amused by the DWARVES asking me for such secrets and dazzled by the shine of their gold. In such a state I am forced to agree.

The Malakim demand I give them incense. No fear! My temples and priests shall be the only scam in town if I have anything to say about it.

I have permitted construction of a Temple of Kilmorph in my capital. I had resisted at first, naturally my genuinely felt religious impulsed rebelled at the thought of permitting a heretical faith into the urban centre of civilisation; but then one of my aides pointed out that the Kilmorphian dirt-molestors pay MASSIVE tithes to local government. I was forced to readjust my predjudiced mind and eventually decided to give equality high tax burdens a chance.

My botanical engineers have nearly completed Project: A Greener Balseraphia and things look very nice.

Year 297.

It turns out that smearing your naked body with Yakult is pretty much okay, but doing the same with your own rectal secretions is bad for you. Wow! Science is grand! We start building underground pipes and things to funnel all the shit around in, stop dumping the shit in the drinking water, things like that, and people start living past the age of twenty, which is pretty special. A few of my advisors and myself were trying to work out how to give thanks to the Octopus Overlords for this new and amazing way of life, and we found out that our religious practices are fairly simple and straightforward. I demand that my scholar-slave-priests work up some complicated and demanding rules for society to behave by, plus we need more expensive and elaborate buildings in order to keep all the excess money we have from going to waste on the people.<<<

It's not all gold, but I flatter myself that it's all readable and passably amusing at it's worst.

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[User Picture]
From:ourbogusjourney
Date:August 20th, 2007 01:35 am (UTC)
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I must admit, I did laugh when I read the 3rd person framing. This fucking computers keyboard is a shite South American one in which I cannot produce smilies, so just imagine them yourself at appropriate junctures.

Please enlighten my ignorance as to the nature of an AAR, and, although I realise it was a year ago, remind me about this Con X game? Salutations and gratitudes to you fine sir.

I also admit I find it fascinating that you can recall the blow-by-blow nature of the Civ events that you relate here and elsewhere. Either I do not actually do much more than click the next turn button when playing a 4x, or my memory is terribly bad for such things. I suspect a combination, like a fine Jim Beam and Coke (whose fineness should give away the poor condition of my mind at most times).

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